Perfect

_TSC7753 I am a total perfectionist.

And today I feel like talking about it. I just feel like being honest about it because I think it's a common struggle for people. It comes and goes for me but lately it's got me feeling a little worn down. I mean, I KNOW that nothing in this world is perfect. I KNOW that striving for perfection is crippling. I KNOW all sorts of things about the pitfalls being a perfectionist but I can't seem to absorb what I know in a way that helps me to let go of the drive for perfection. It's just such a harsh and critical state of mind. Believing that something could always have been better is totally exhausting.

Here's an example. I made this bouquet this weekend. Here is one of about 400 photos that I took of it. I just kept trying to get the perfect shot and when I couldn't I became more and more frustrated and critical of what I had made. And I realized all of the sudden how sad this was. I realized that I wasn't enjoying the flowers because I was too busy criticizing them. The truth is that I was letting perfectionism rob me of joy. The joy I get from working with flowers. The joy I get from taking photos. I have to find a way out of this mental trap.

I wonder what it's like to not be a perfectionist. I hear you do a lot of being in the moment. I'm like what does that even mean? The moment. THE MOMENT. I think it has something to do with your mind relaxing. My mind, on the other hand, is relentless. I don't ever stop thinking of what I should be doing or what I could have done better. It's ridiculous. In college I had this friend Ainoah. She was a total hippy. I loved being around her. She used to take me on long walks into the woods and she would play her flute and I would hum along. We would pick wild flowers. I would forget about my worries. I think looking back on it, we were being in the moment. It was nice.

Basically, I've got to find my inner hippy. Wish me luck.